two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
