I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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