He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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