I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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