I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think i have two assholes
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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