Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
