you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
