My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
why do cheetos always look like penises
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
