my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
