He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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