I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
