imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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