You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
