I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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