She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize