Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
