you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
