I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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