so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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