Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
