Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
