new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
