He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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