I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
