WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
