He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
