I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
