You work out of a Hotel?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
