This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
