Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!