I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.