Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
