I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.