how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.