also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.