Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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