After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
