I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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