he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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