i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
