it was like eating out sand paper
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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