Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
