She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
