She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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