The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
