Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please don't give away my fajitas
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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