he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
