I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
