It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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