a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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