everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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