The maid of honor just puked.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
