just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
