no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
