I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
