i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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