So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
