I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
