my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
