weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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