The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
