so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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