I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
