I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
barbara walters just said penis...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
