did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
