Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
