just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize