Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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