Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
