Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
high people should be assigned attendants
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
